-jesus\priest jokes

Q: whats the diff between jesus and a pic of jesus?

A: you only need one nail to hang the pic!

Q: whats the diff between priests and pimples?

A: one don't wait for puberty to cum all over your face!

Q: why do they call them alter boys?

A: cus they hide them under the alter!

Q: why do all the christian girls love jesus so much?

A: (put arms out like a cross) becuse he is hung like this

-dead babie jokes

Q: What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor? 
A: A baby with a javelin through its throat. 
 
Q: What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies? 
A: One live one in the middle is eating its way out. 
 
Q: What's blue and sits in the corner? 
A: A baby in a baggie. 
 
Q: What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy. 
 
Q: What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? 
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
 
Q: What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
 
Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
 
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken. 
 
Q: What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?
A: An erection.
 
Q: Why did the baby fall off the swing?
A: Because it had no arms or legs.
 
Q: What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A: A bus load of babies on fire.
 
Q: What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree? 
A: Nailing it to a dead puppy. 
 
Q: What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
A: One dead baby nailed to ten trees. 
 
Q: What's pink and chunky?
A: A baby with leporacy.
 
Q: Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
A: So you can pick them up five at a time.
 
Q: How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
 
Q: What's pink and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan.
 
Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
 
Q: What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
A: Sticking pins in their eyes.
 
Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.

Q: What's the best sound in the world?
A: Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!
 
Q: what wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
A: inside out baby! 
 
Q: What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A: A baby with burst armbands.
 
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
 
Q: Whats worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
 
Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ? 
A: Crib death.
 
Q: Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
A: In case of a stillbirth, soup.
 
Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
A: Take your dick out of its mouth.
 
Q: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: A baby in a microwave. 
 
Q: When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
A: When it starts talking to you again.
 
Q: How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
A: It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
 
Q: What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
A: Ripping them off again.
 
Q: What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
A: Sexy.
 
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby? 
A: A dead baby in a clown costume! 
 
Q: What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? 
A: A baby with a punctured lung.
 
Q: What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall? 
A: Art! 
 
Q: How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? 
A: With a blender! 
 
Q: How do you get them out again?
A: With Doritos!! 
 
Q: What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A: A baby chewing on razor blades. 
 
Q: What is green and sits in a corner? 
A: The same baby, six weeks later.

Q: Why did the Baby fall out of the Tree?
A: Because he was DEAD!
 
Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: A garbage can full of dead babies.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: The one at the bottom is still alive.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He has to eat his way to freedom.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He goes back for more.
 
Q: How do you get a baby to run faster? 
A: Chase it with the lawn mower. 
 
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
A: You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby. 
 
Q: What has 4 legs and one arm? 
A: A Doberman in a children's playground! 
 
Q: What does a baby and a Pinto have in common? 
A: They're fun to ride until they die.
 
Q: What happens when you burn baby's face off?
A: It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
 
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
 
Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
A: Deep Throat.
 
Q: What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A: A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
 
Q: Whats white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A: A baby shot through a snowblower.
 
Q: How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
A: The dog plays with it more.
 
Q: What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A: A Freeloader.
 
Q: What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
A: Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.
 
Q: What is better than a dead baby?
A: The revoked child-support.
 
Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
A: Grandmothers dont die when you fuck them in the ass
 
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
A: The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
 
Q: Why didn't they crucify baby jesus?
A: I dont know why they didn't either.
 
Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
A: You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
 
Q: What's the worst thing about fucking a dead baby?
A: Wiping the blood stains off of your clown suit!

Q: What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts? 
A: You can't gargle gravel. 
 
Q: Why did the toddler fall off his bike? 
A1: A fridge fell on him . 
A2: He was quadraplegic. 
 
Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? 
A: So you can tell which ones are still alive. 
 
Q: How do you know when you hit a live one? 
A: The pitchfork shakes 
 
Q: What's this? (hold arms out and shake them) 
A: A live one.
 
Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face! 
 
Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag. 
 
Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet. 
 
Q: What's sicker than driving over a baby?
A: Skidding.
 
Q: How do you spoil a baby?
A: Leave it out in the sun.
 
Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A: Stick a javelin through it's head.
 
Q: How do you make a gay men pregnant?
A: stick a dead baby up his ass!
 
Q: Why did the toddler drop it's lollypop?
A: It was hit by a truck...
 
Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.
 
Q: What's red, screams and goes around in circles?
A: A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.
 
Q: What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
 
Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
 
Q: Whats more fun than feeling up a dead baby
A: Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples
 
Q: What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
A: The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun
 
Q: How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day?
A: You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a boquet of roses up his ass.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
A: you don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!
 
Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
A: It was chained to a bumper.
 
Q: What do you have when you have 4 dead babies, take away two, and add 5 more?
A: An orgy!
 
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
A: You can't fuck a table.
 
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Take your foot off of it's head.
 
Q: If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
 
Q: What is red and creeps up your leg? 
A: A homesick abortion.
 
Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
 
Q: What do vegetarian dingos eat?
A: Cabbage patch kids. 
 
Q : Whats white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A : A Pedophiles ass.
 
Q: What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A: A watermelon floats.
 
Q: Whats the safest way to play with a baby ?
A: With a condom.
 
Q: What gets louder as it gets smaller? 
A: A baby in a trash compacter.
 
Q: What do you call a baby on a stick? 
A: A Kebabie. 
 
Q: What's the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
A: It's really easy to turn on a lamp.
 
Q: Whats does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
A: Cancer. 
 
Q: Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? 
A: Because they're hand made. 
 
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? 
A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
 
Q: What is the definition of revenge? 
A: A baby with a dingo in its mouth. 
 
Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven. 
 
Q: Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
 
Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
A: Fucked
 
Q: Whats worse than smoking pot with a baby?
A: Making a bong out of it.

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? 
A: A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
 
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
A: Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
 
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
A: I don't cum all over the golden delicious apple before I take a bite out of it
 
Q: Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first ? 
A: To see the expression on it face!
 
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.
 
Q: what do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gerkin?
A:Big Mac
 
Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
A: Nail it's other hand to the floor. 
 
Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
 
Q: What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A: A baby on a bed of nails. 
 
Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a penata!
 
Q: What's small, and shiny, and blue?
A: A baby with a plastic baggy over its head. 
 
Q: How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
A: 4 1/2.
 
Q: How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
A: Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
 
Q: What do you call a 30week-old premee?
A: An Appetizer!